It's Sunday! I have two days till I walk my oldest daughter to the doors of a school and leave her in the hands of a complete stranger.... I'm nervous, excited, scared, amazed and so much more in love with her today then I thought would ever be possible the day I held her little 8lb 8 1/2 oz body all those short years ago. I remember then how many people said that time would fly and I remember thinking... how could something this small make the world move faster? But it has, at least it's made my world move faster and it's been such an incredible ride-!
So here I sit and think of all the things I should be doing and the list of questions I should be writing to ask her teacher, Mrs. Hayes, tomorrow at the sneak peak but instead here I sit thinking. I am thinking of how truly bittersweet this day will be. It's a great day, I mean a whole new chapter of her life is starting, the start of independence and learning and making new friends, but at the same time it's bitter for me as I won't be as much a part of it as I have been these past 5 1/2 years. I won't be there to kiss away scraped knees or hurt feelings or help her with her learning frustrations. Instead I'll play a different, more important role. I'll now be the truly prayerful parent. I'll be the one to lift her up daily- I'm sure the first day, hourly or more often, in prayer to the One who can be there to help her with the scraped knees, the hurt feelings and the learning frustrations. I've ask myself several times a day it seems if she's ready, when really what I'm asking is if I'm ready, ready to let go- even a little bit. I'm not sure if I am, but what I am sure of is weather or not the answer is yes, the time is now! So as we embark on this new journey, this new chapter I ask for prayers from my friends and family; prayers for peace for all of us. Prayers for me specifically that I know that I've done well as a parent, that she's prepared for school, that she'll be able to make friends without me there encouraging her to do so and then prayers for me as I embark on my journey as once again a parent of one- a two year old no less. So as Zoe learns to befriend her new classmates I'll be at home learning also, learning once again how to play dress up, pretend, to do puzzles and to color and to really learn to enjoy my second born who will also be losing her playmate and have to make do with me, who quite honestly isn't near as fun as Zoe has been for her. Thank you to all who read this and to all who have been there and can share your hope that this isn't a bittersweet day but truly a day of independence and joy! May I some day soon feel that!
A letter from a younger me
2 months ago